My College Career

Pampering myself amidst depressive episodes have proven to be beneficial to me this time around.  I got my hair cut and my eyebrows waxed last week, and yesterday decided on a set of acrylic nails.  They are so pretty!  They’re this blue/purple color that I’m in love with.

Anyway, lately I’ve been thankful for where I am in my life.  College for me has not been about an end goal.  It has not been about the career or acquiring the skills for said career.  It has not been about the clubs and building my resume and spending all of my breaks doing unpaid internships.  I know it sounds silly that this hasn’t been my college career.  Yeah, I’ve done the school.  I’ve gone to class, read the books, wrote the essays, memorized vocabulary.  I’ve done a couple internships, I’ve been a part of a few clubs.  But I haven’t really truly sincerely cared about all of that.

Mainly, my college career has been about figuring out the holes.  Realizing I’m confused and I’m lonely and trying to catch a grasp on why.  It has been about survival.  About stepping away from the suicidal thoughts.  About getting a grasp on my bitterness and my anger and my sadness, and admitting to the person I had become.  My college career has ended in a search for acceptance of myself.

I would say I’ve had a pretty successful college career.  I have this semester, Spring semester, and when May comes I will still be alive.  I will have gained wisdom and with it, a new life.

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