You will reach a point when you want to take care of yourself. You will reach a point where you will sit on your bed and hold your favorite pillow against your chest and you will cry and you will scream and you will choke and you will tremble, and you won’t be telling yourself how ugly you are, or how worthless you are, or how lost you are. You won’t tell yourself this is the pain you deserve. You won’t call yourself a monster. You will have the day when you will cry and you will scream and you will choke and you will tremble, and all the while you will tell yourself, I am worth more. And you will cry and you will scream and you will choke and you will tremble because you have to release all that pent up pain, the negativity, the self-hate. You will vanquish the shame. You will exhaust yourself and you will wake up renewed, knowing you’re worth so much more than what your head has been telling you the past ten years of your life.
You will let yourself feel comfortable in your skin. You will allow yourself to kiss your arm, and your hand, and your fingers, because underneath the flesh you still have blood pumping, flowing, life streaming through your body. You are still here, in whatever year of life you’re in, and you are glad.
There will come a day when you will expel the tears and give yourself permission to feel the hurt.
You will give yourself permission to grieve.
You will give yourself permission to love, and most importantly,
to love yourself.