Lessons, Not Regrets

 

We talk about regret, and wanting to take back the things we did wrong.  But I believe regretting the things you do can lead to a cycle of self-destruction.

I always regretted not sticking to ballet when I was little.  I quit track in high school after three weeks.  I was never on any sort of sport team, and did not participate much in clubs.  I mainly wanted to be with myself in high school, so I went home, and did just that.  I read Harry Potter, watched some television, relaxed on my bed.  I cried and I grieved.

I have lost friends, for unknown reasons.  Sometimes people slip away, and no matter what you do, it can only be their decision to come back.  I have been hurt by men.  Many have left, many have been abusive.  The dating scene in college was not exactly romance and Hershey kisses.

But regretting my decisions, and how I handled situations at the time will lead me nowhere.  At this rate, I would be regretting most of the past ten years of my life.  And what is the point of that?  Because regretting the past ten years of my life will only lead to self-hate.

Those experiences I had have shaped me.  They have made me insecure.  They have made me scared.  But they have also produced the strength in me to live a life I want.  Instead of regretting, I decided I must learn.

What would have made me happier in high school?  Running.  The Gym.

So now?  I go to the gym.  I run.  I lift weights.  I work out.  I stretch.

What would have made me happier in college?

The same.  But also, making my decisions based on learning from my past, instead of regretting my past.  Because my regrets made me hate myself.  And hating myself led me into a path of self-destruction that is by no means easy to get away from.

I cannot hate my past.  Hating my past will make me hate who I am.  I know this, because I have experienced the cycle first hand, over, and over, and over again.

In college, I would have been happier if I had been more open.

Now, I am more open.  To experiences, people, and love.  To ideas, even the ones that do not sit right with me.

In college, I would have been happier if I stopped fighting, and started living.

So, now I am living.  I will not keep trying to beat the past.  Today, tomorrow, this very moment, is about creation.  It is about who I am now, and how to continue becoming a better version of myself.

Everything in life is a learning experience.  To learn from our lives, is there any room for regret?

Shannon

 

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